Over the year, around here, evening visitors’ talk became more important than daytime banter. The conversations may not always hold weight compared to afternoon discussions with friends, but I recognize that my visitors travel a great distance and frequently do so after work. Meanwhile, the night teeters between my drooping eyelids and their slurred verbs. Still, we heed each others needs in the twilight and no inflection is left misunderstood.
In early October, a gentleman and associates asked me to get rest. “Concentrate on quilting and writing,” he mustered. “Lay off the blogging through December.” Without question I agreed. At least until I realized I could not sign off for that long. Some things need be maintained without question. Still, with the end of obligations surrounding the craft bazaar, life left me exhausted and with a hole in my schedule. Health comes first and I set the computer down. As for a reading public, they are vocal and have asked for me to return. I will, occasionally though through December. As more plans occupy the schedule, I will have to cut time somewhere to compensate. Blogging is likely to be one place that happens.
As for yearly obligations, studio work has now settled into December. I am making Christmas presents for family and friends with a scowl that even Ebenezer would rival. Having a difficult time with fabric or paper is not it. My heart is not in the same place as years past. Last year I felt extremely giving. This year I feel as if I need keep my crafting to myself and show sales. I refuse to pull punches in this discussion. It is all the old paranoia about gift giving that is looming in my head again. I am positive there are those artists who get looked at as crazy and selfish for not buying Christmas gifts, especially when they have money. Gift giving is an art though. Finding the right gift for someone that does not hail from a list of yearly needs is difficult. I fume the pros and cons of both sides. For instance, after all the handwork, finding out the present was placed in the New Year’s Day garbage pickup is not the emotional spot you want to work from during the coming year. I do not ask. I yield control. I bestowed with a giving heart and the act was received genuinely. I would like to say that was enough to satisfy my need to nurture and give living things, but it is not. I am learning to let go of those fears of everything I give being thrown away like Aunt Edna’s dried out Christmas fruit cake. I am learning to understand that the needs I see in the recipient may not be a reality they know. In my defense, I am learning how to build a fascination for what I seal in a box. As for preparation, that will take all the year before to build an emotional well to receive. Unfortunately, presents like that take more than a year to build. Maybe that type is best laid for life occasions instead of holy days. I will flesh out that argument for myself some time later.
As for gifts, I started out with a plan in June. If I remember correctly, everything was sketched and budgeted. Unfortunately, all fell through by early October. It was mostly because studio time was not easy to manage. At this late hour, I am now starting to come up with a backup plan. I am disturbed by the simplicity, but I must reiterate to myself that holy days are about family and ancestral memory. Knowledgeably Christmas cannot be just about the gift exchange anymore, nor can it be about the cost, or the type of gift. (For me it never was.) Building beneficial memories must play in the day. I never wanted to unload my unsold work on friends, so I keep it stored. An act like that seems so careless and void of sentiment. I will admit though, I have given collages as last minute gifts. I often thought it as giving place markers until something significant would come about. I had low confidence, but entertaining sense about my paper works then. Now I know better. Now I prefer to keep the professional work to myself. As for becoming a better gift giver, I want to place in their hands something carefully crafted for them. All of them need be hand selected pieces that qualify as cured works and functional wares. This way I do not just I flirt with master craftsmanship; I pursue it with a vengeance.
~As ever, stay hungry and curious.