Friend suggested I think before posting images from the box. Granma's treasures deserve a privacy of sorts. I played for a few hours picking out things dreaming of new uses for them. I even put the black baby doll on my bed. She hasn't moved to much. I need to give her a good bath and new clothes. A trip to Toys r us is in order. Till then the little embroidered hankerchiefs will have to do. A posey of little violets on one and woven plaid on the other. The hair is a mess. I simply do not know what to do. Washing it may not be the best idea. Coming and brushing with a little grooming set sounds good. I'm even tempted to go to JoAnn and shop for doll clothes patterns. Gram kept my toys from when I stayed with her over 30 years ago. This doll is one of the last vestiges of the cache.
So, me? I am in between having visions of a funeral parlor. I do not suspect my joys in between the silence. I just let go of the whole moment and live. Dad sent me three mini films of him and gram. I have not figured out how to download and view them yet. I'll ask mom later. Besides that Dad found some of her old cookbooks. Score big for me including clippings from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette of recipes since the 1960s. i feel the need to try them even if i normally would not have picked them myself. Expand the palette. Who could resist the adventure? Meanwhile. back at the ranch... I have been writing. Murderer's Row is now called Cocina. For those of you who do not speak Spanish, the word means "kitchen". I sprained my hand two days ago from writing, cooking, gardening, and painting all in the same day. Writing out the chapters by hand then typing them may seem a waste, but for some reason I can watch the story unfold and form that much easier. I've been writing out about three to five hours a day for two weeks, then typing takes the rest of the day. I do not know if I will publish, but like The Raven King, this is for my edification as a writer and a dreamer. The nuances of articulating images is getting easier with every long pass of pen over paper. Good thing though, I found the type of pen I like to write with. Need a cache of those in a few days. lastly, I finished the stitching and binding on the last painting/ Mixed Media piece. Take a look under Hubris, it is called "Black Sweet Grass and Gibbous Moon". Wishing you sun, rain, and giving crops. As ever, stay hungry and curious. The box came this morning. I asked for a few odds and ends of paper from Granma's apartment. The box is about three feet tall and twenty inches square. I am not crying yet. I figure I'll have a good day with whatever I have been blest with. Everything in the box is potential for art creation, the rest I'll drape, paste, and tack on the walls until I can figure it out. Got to pull the camera while I do this. I'll share later for sure.
A little stunned but working. As ever, stay hungry and curious. FYI: Pulled the last image out of Hubris as it is not done. Forgive Me and I beg patience. I got ahead of myself. A friendly CSR at Weebly helped me out of the image loading problem I have been having. I have only to test it in the next few weeks. Or whenever I finish the piece in question. I have some archival issues to work out and prepare supplies. That is taking time. More time than I care to admit, but I'm bedrocking on patience right now. So my work and sleep room is clean and I am writing. Something other than The Raven King and i feel good about taking risks. Finishing the text is the next and evermore the final risks is letting someone else to read. As I write I'm leaning on my security saying this story I write is for me and no one else. Friend plans on prying it from my warm hands one day. Hopefully he'll understand when I wrestle it from him or demand a piece of chocolate cake for it.
Meanwhile I am slow and have been cleaning most of the day, not to forget a hot afternoon pass at the lawn. I still have to finish. I am acting so silly I need to record it. I think it is stress and Granma being gone. What i am pissed about is the recipes. I did not get a chance to mine he memory enough. She seemed to pick up on measurements, ingredients, and where/who she learned the recipe. Beware I will accost you and your family for recipes if I ever meet you. I'm always on the hunt for something easy to memorize and cook. The more traditional the better. If and when I get married I'll probably have a serious cache of herbs and spices to go in my dowry. if you are wondering about the dowry situation, I am slow and enthralled with the idea, just in case. I learned earlier this year I need 13 quilts along with other items. So, I've got to brainstorm. No goats or cattle on this side of the family, got to be inventive. As ever, stay hungry and curious. I've been frightened of blogging for about two months. This writer's block and elusive depression have me chasing my tail, begging for something in my stomach to settle. I am also tired and frustrated. By the time night falls and I have set the brushes aside I am truly pissy about blogging. How do I share for yet another day and not bore? How shall I turn a clever phrase without insulting intelligence and need? Right now I am cutting my souls on the edge. I am out there and try to gauge light through the darkness. Sometimes I am just plain lost.
Today i touched all bases. From quilting to painting, then writing. It was to much. I do not care how noble pushing myself can be when it comes to dedication to task, I walked away suffering for loss of what to do next. I do not know why I feel I am on a timer some days, but it keeps me on target for finishing. Ignis Grais is so close to binding. I finished the last border and now its is back to the critical decision to go into the original quilt design and fill in. The new target date is July 1 and I am still on track for Dallas Quilt Show 2017. I wrote most of yesterday afternoon and a few more hours today. Friend is telling me I am a writer foremost and a visual artist second. Luckily I am not in a publish or perish situation, but I still wonder where he sits in that conclusion. I am flattered though. Writer's group is good for polishing and tweaking performance issues. I do not plan on giving that up at all. That and I do not plan on giving up on publishing something by 2018. The hope has its tactics to realization. For me it is in the polish and daily pursuit of a pen that bear fruit on page. Baby steps, gotta take baby steps, and step out of the shyness shielding my comfort zone. As ever, stay hungry and curious. A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world ~ Oscar Wilde
I am still here, busy trying not to relearn the night. Writing, prepping, and my world looks a little methodical and artistic. As ever, stay hungry and curious. Day two and I still can not get this image to load in the gallery. Meanwhile, working bigger is suiting my tastes as I learn the chemical limits of gouache and other materials. Working through is a good idea so far. Still it is early and I am trying not to compartmentalize this journey. Seems everything must change, rather develop and mature. I'm resisting and want my dose of Looney Toons and Boomerang cable television more often. I'm regressing every day to resist thoughts of death and elderhood. If I ask dad more questions about grandma I will learn. I asked two days ago for a few things. All of them would mean nothing to anyone other than grandma and me. Dad said yes. When he goes to her old apartment to clean out he'll save papers with her doodles and handwriting for me. This and a few books. After careful selection it will go into a collage series. I decided to do that for my own sake. Paying personal respects instead of just a card, flowers, or donation to a charity. it would come out of my hands and ancestral blood as well. I thought, in the end I would frame it, exhibit it, but not sell. As soon as I explained to dad what I wanted to do, he said it was his when I was finished. So, now I have a commission of sorts that may stay in the family for generations to come. I was not expecting this, but I will tell you one thing, I am elated for it.
As ever, stay hungry and curious. I am making a size shift. As a result, most approaches will change. So, there is supplies to order and patience to garner. Seems I have found a niche that suits me well. I stared at the prepared papers in the dark last night. My mind impelled me awake at every sound of a cricket. In the country that sound usually lulls me asleep. Feel free to view today's yield at Hubris.
As ever, stay hungry and curious. I am starting early I guess. Still, no time like the present. Prep took up part of Friday afternoon. Today I painted. To be very candid. I am scared of what I put on paper; it is nothing like where I have been. I am livid to continue, but I will. I am secretly happy for what I have found with gouache. Meanwhile I'll be playing with children's supplies until I make the order. I want to go past 20 on these. I am game not to call it a series, but on going work instead. Patience and a dram of tears for today. Take a look here for the beginning: Hubris. Worry not, more will follow. Painting feels good.
As ever, stay hungry and curious. I kept my mouth shut for about a month. As of a phone call ago most things will change. It may be a few weeks before it settles in, but mourning will begin and I may be a bit distraught, distant, and angry. My grandmother passed early this morning while they were moving her to the hospice part of the hospital. I do not know what to say or think. I am a bit numb. Taking a break may be in order. Though continuing to work may be best. My posts may continue to be erratic for a while. Maybe once a week, if then. Still, even I know better to use the energy and emotional changes to drive the work. I guess I just needed a reminder. Must look up the grieving process and take my time.
As ever, stay hungry and curious. I might as well just say it. Since finishing Medicine Quilt Four it has been all down hill. I am so sluggish, tired, and combative it is not funny. let me say this, the view from Mount Kilimanjaro was exquisite, but it is back to rough foothills since then. My drive is off. My emotions are wild and I feel as if I have no direction. Everything was leading up to the finish, but I made no plans for the fall back. So, mix that with a little bit of family life and I feel I am floundering.
The gouache studies are keeping me afloat and discovering. I printed off more fodder and form to work with in that regard. Painting instead of quilting or collaging is saving my mind. Slowly though. With the gouache, I like keeping up with my hands and thinking through what comes next. Colors are vibrant out of the tube and water media is easy to clean up. I am not at a loss for material or reason. I feel, painting for the sake of painting is all I have got to renew the well. Friend says keep it going until I can slip into an oil painting studio somewhere sometime in my life. For then, I dream of having hundreds of mock ups and mini paintings to source from. I am game to be well prepared. The dream of it keeps me afloat. Don't let me start a half lie. As of last week friend's got me pegged on Medicine Quilt III. This one is hand pieced/hand quilted as well as MQIV. It is three years into construction and I am closing in on a finish. The first border is complete as of two days ago. It is totally rich with stitches while the center holds a modest variance on embroidery forms. I started the last border today. I am pledging to my inner child to finish out this month. This will have me three months ahead of my deadline by June 30. Despite all this I have gotten fed up and tired of this quilt several times. Each time about four to six months passed before I touched it again. The quilt has needed more patience than I could give at those times. The problem? I am terrified to put it down again fearing I will never finish. Little voice says trust myself. I think sometimes if I work when I do not want to, I will ruin the piece. There are times I wait. There are times I pray. There are times I work through the creative block and just muffle the cries of being fed up. Then I think of Mozart and unfinished requiems. No, no, no, that is not for me. For now Opus I is complete and nestled safely in the basket. With MQIII friend tells me it is the hardest I have done. I do not know how he came to this conclusion. Sincerely, I am not trying to be cheeky. As he explained, I understood that a core of understanding about mixed fibers sewing is invested in that quilt. If anything I try to do R&D on smaller pieces. The benefit with larger pieces is that I work to sustain skill through discipline, trial, and endurance. Right now I am pessimistic and see the work's problems and barely the beauty. Still, with every viewing something changes in my minds eye. One of which is that I am purely shocked at what my hands can do. So, to prevent unrepairable mistakes, I take Sabbath as a well deserved break for my arms. I am looking forward to sewing tomorrow though and I am game for investing in thimbles this month. Pricked is not the word for it. To much push and you stab yourself. For MQIII and MQIV I have bled not for magic sake but for anger and distraught. if that is not the case, then those things are alive and hungry. You take your pick. As ever, stay hungry and curious. |
N.A. JonesPicking up where I left off. Archives
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