This is the last day of November and I seem to be tidying up everything from art supplies to the yard. The work schedule has finally changed and I’m on my quilt submission for 2018 to play out during the week instead of working through on the weekends. With the panel I am working I cannot help but to be confused. I feel and stitch the intent but I waver in my confidence by steering away from convention and tradition. I usually do not give a damn, but right now, I am drowning in a fight not to be a cookie cutter specialist. I am an art quilter and that is that. There is no need for an explanation. What they seek is not what I provide. I need not change. No wrong has been committed. Learning to work with commissions and collectors will be a lesson I eventually learn. Still, there need be no sacrifice of creative ethic. I am sure this is another mental battle full of boundaries to explore.
For now I feel inundated with doubt. I have not felt like this ever. Well, except for when I put art aside to pursue librarianship. The fear that erupted in my gut come the first night after being hired told me I would never create again; at least not until retirement some thirty years later. As you can gather, I believed I would lose my drive and character with brush and oils at late sixty something. I would not want it anymore. The sacrifices made would leave me quiet I the back row of a movie theatre trying to catch up on Oscar nominations. Friend encourages not to give up. I swelled in my heart over the Business of Art books I bought in the past year and a half. Reading them has not been as high a priority as working in the studio. Honestly? I am stuck to and addicted to quilting and writing since March of this year. Fine art has become a pain in the ass to try to place in the schedule. Still, I love painting when I make the time and I love collage when I make the time. I am ecstatic about making sure I pull at least on collage series a year. No matter how large or small the canvas, working my style and personal sense of composition makes for a shredded envelope every time.
Lastly, make a commitment for the return of the sun on the 21st.
If you sight it, try a new approach and begin again.
As ever, stay hungry and curious.